I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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