I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
