just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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