Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
