we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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