OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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