i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
