ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
