3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
