he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
