Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
