we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
