I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
