The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
