dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
