so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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