I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
