Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
