I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
