It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
