we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
