Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I think your dad took our porno
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
