Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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