The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
