Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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