I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
