I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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