If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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