When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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