I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
