i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
