Don't you send me to vm
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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