redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
