Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
