the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
