i barfeds in our rink
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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