hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So squirting runs in the family.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
