i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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