i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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