I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
