If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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