I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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