Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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