saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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