The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
