you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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