oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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