put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We have so much sex to catch up on
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
