Don't make out with my wife yet
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
