Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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