So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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