This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
