my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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