Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
