He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
