"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I love you. Go after that dick
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
